The Witless Wire - Uninformed. Ill-advised

He doesn’t root for favorites — he just waits for the one wearing a sunflower hat to cry and self-evict.

Local Woman Delivers Oscar-Worthy “Oh, Totally Natural!” When Asked If Friend’s Tattooed Eyebrows Look Real

“Her mouth was smiling, but her eyebrows looked like they were daring us to fight.” PORTLAND, OR — In a

“I didn’t have any appointments scheduled — figured I’d see what a hard day’s work felt like.” By Nina J.

Experts say the house might have structural damage by 2047 if the termites stay focused and well-fed. Bakersfield, CA —

“It was like watching a Shakespearean tragedy dissolve into a Meow Mix commercial.” NEW YORK CITY — A recent performance

“I always said when I hit 80, I’d clear the decks — that means the wife too,” he explains over

By Nina J., Co-Editor, The Witless Wire DAYTON, OH — While most 66-year-olds are exploring senior discounts or watching birds

By Hugo V., Editor-in-Chimp SEDONA, AZ — In a quiet desert home tucked between red rocks and spiritual vorteces, one

By Witless Wire Staff FORT COLLINS, CO — Local woman Haley Munroe, 29, reportedly lost all sense of time and

By Nina J.The Witless Wire Brandon Keller, 38, arrived at his coworker’s kid’s birthday party with every intention of being